Broken
I wish I could go back and take things slow…I wish my whole world was not falling apart…I wish that my heart did not hurt as badly as it does right now and I wish…I just wish this pain would go away. It is over but it is not over at the same time and that just makes it more complicated. Everything hurts so badly and the tears will not stop flowing. I am broken and alone. My heart is bleeding…the pain is pretty damn bad and the worst part is that it is not even officially over yet. Everything is packed in a box…everything except the ring she gave me, that will go in once everything is settled and we officially end it. These were the best months of my life and the happiest I had been, but just because I was happy does not mean that she was. I am dying inside right now and I do not see any hope for recovery this time. I blew my last chance…the chance I never thought I would get and poof just as quickly as she came into my life she was practically gone again. There will be no one else for me, I will not find this kind of love again, she is my only one and I just have to roll with the punches. Hopefully we will stay friends…hopefully I am wrong and we find some way to figure it out and make it work, though I have doubts on that. I just want her to know that she is the most important person in my life and that in losing her I am losing my heart and soul. I do not want to guilt her into being with me but I also do not want her to think that I will just be okay with this either. We are both suffering and sadly I need to make the trip to see her one last time, just so I can hug her before I let go of everything.
Until…until next time.
~Ashley
